Colleen McGillicuddy McLaren – Canada

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Singer, hairstylist and operates a Bed & Breakfast in Prince Rupert, Canada

We met Colleen McGillicuddy McLaren (68) at Prince Rupert (Canada) in her heritage home on the Pacific Ocean where she runs a Bed & Breakfast. She is a singer, a hostess and a hairstylist. A mom, a grandma, and an inspiring person. With her Edith Piaf performance, we had the most memorable breakfast ever. Glad she took the opportunity and accepted my 6vitesse-on-tour interview.

 

COLLEEN, WHAT’S YOUR BACKGROUND?
Well I am a woman from Northern On who was fortunate enough to inherit two languages French and English. I love to sing Edith Piaf.  I am a nobody really but as I delve further in my history I find that my family names have some illustrious roots from Ireland, we are one of ten families considered royalty if you will.  Also on the French side there is an illustrious historic Canadian family. By the time of my birth my family had lost all traces of any of that background and wealth.  I have 1 son. and 2 grandkids a one natural great grandson and one through marriage [well not married yet]

I live in a heritage home on the Pacific ocean coast where I operate a bed and breakfast. I have been married once. He married again and recently passed away.
I am a singer, a hostess, a hairstylist. My parents were both very catholic but didn’t practice. They were into socializing. I was educated by nuns. I had a lot of faith. My faith developed to reach beyond catholic teachings.  I grew in protestant religions as far as a Christian believer can go. Then I had my wings and flew away from religion. I have no anger at anyone only at the lies and the deception that is in the world through systems. Man is asleep. Man does not see. I am not faulting man but the lying spirit that has deceived the world.

I am merely a 68 year old woman who is content and at peace and does not feel age or time but is alive, enjoying and grateful for all that I have been blessed with.

WHAT DOES FREEDOM MEAN TO YOU
Well regarding freedom that is huge. I took it seriously when at a very early age someone between my Irish /French parents and the holy nuns told me I was free to do and be anything I wanted in life. I’ve always been free and it manifests not so much in great and daring adventures and exploits  but in the way I have lived my life. When the feminist movement roared on the scene in the 70’s I was already pretty liberated, didn’t need a banner. I am not religious, not structured, not restricted by political correctness or social moires nor do I let time dictate to me. It’s kind of like I live more by instinct than by deliberate effort and planning. Of course I am organized but not boxed in by rules. That is different from being rebellious. I am very obedient where it is required.. very law abiding but I resent doing it just because the Jones’ do. For me I am not driven by wants….. don’t even have a bucket list. I just enjoy the feeling of freedom and joy that I have within. When you are an individual you are not always popular. Most people are like the elephant who after being chained to a steel post for years didn’t know enough to wander off once he was untied and freed. They, out of fear of public opinion, fall into miserable lives with people they do not like, doing things they hate and being slaves to the status quo.

When I was a child I saw unnecessary and self imposed human suffering and I remember pleading to my mom “why mommie why”? Her only answer was a vague “because that’s just the way things are dear you’ll understand when you grow up. Then and there I resolved that was wrong….”When I grow up I will tell people:   “don’t stay in your misery you can go away from abuse, you are free, nothing is forcing you to be miserable”. It is all there for us, it is perfect and beautiful and we, not the world, but we restrict ourselves out of fear of freedom. There are always many systems of control only too willing to enforce upon us this false authority as well. Some of these are systems of religion of education and big financial corporations. I always dreaded and abhorred authoritarians. I believe in love, joy and peace foremost.

We are free to do anything we want good or bad . We are rewarded accordingly when we choose the bad we pay the price. If we forgo our freedom choosing to live in denial of it’s truth and imprison ourselves with rules of our own making we impose disease upon ourselves an even sure and premature death. Money and power are their own slave masters and to strive for their acquisition is the enemy of personal freedom. It’s like we sell our soul to the pursuit of money. If you are enslaved to the love of money you may be rich but sick, miserable and not at peace.
To be free is to have the greatest wealth there is. All is in place so that if we quit striving for rules, laws, control….  if we just let go and let God…. we can rest and all that we need comes to us. All which we need to preserve balance and quality of life and our daily needs are met. It is all there.

WHAT DOES FRIENDSHIP MEAN TO YOU
My dad was an alcoholic and he was also an amazing man, a people person with a brilliant mind and personality. He had many friends… he cultivated his friendships even above his love of family. When the excess of alcohol would dictate that he had to “go on the wagon” ” dry out” as he put it… he would go without booze for months at a time during which time there was nary a friend in sight… My mom would say to him tauntingly “where are all those friends of yours now that you are not buying cases of liquor”.

I think friendship and popularity are fickle and fleeting. When you truly are down it’s pretty quiet and forlorn compared with times of energetic abundance. You need to come to the realization that you came into this world alone and you leave alone. Be your own best friend.  Others will hamper you, they compare, they compete, they resent your right to be on a quest for perfection. They are intimidated if you succeed at something. I think we have to be realistic and not “fear ” man, not be enslaved to what others may think nor dread the control of people competing to try and “one up” each other. I always like to outdo myself not others.  Sometimes familiarity breeds contempt.

I have in my life besides my family who I love but live apart from… three [ or four] best lifelong friends… they are always there for me and me for them. They bless me and we have mutual love and respect, but we are free to not be always in touch. We are not always on each others door step. I have many many acquaintances who I love dearly as well. I love people but I do not need them.

WHAT DOES SUCCESS MEAN TO YOU
My personal success has been achieving enlightenment…. realizing my dreams. We do get exactly what we asked for even if we don’t recognize that our outcome is of our own making. People achieve great worldly success and, well, that speaks for itself they have succeeded. But along with getting what they have striven for, they made the mistaken assumption that it would bring great happiness, regrettably it has not.. They are chasing outside of themselves for what can only be found inside.

The ideal is be free and joyful inside as you make advances toward your destination. To enjoy the journey… to be fully you and to discover who you are. To be achieving because of enjoyment and not as a means to escape personal demons and not running from yourself. Well I think it becomes a matter of recognizing early that material things will not fix what is broken inside you.  Many live in the permanent pursuit of the next thrill missing the joy of accomplishment.
I have found myself to be more someone who “is” rather than someone who “does”. I have been searching for truth all my life I am not afraid of it. Rather I fear lies, being in     denial, facades, manipulation and control. I need to understand if it’s me who is truly crazy or the entire world because obviously one or the other is way off. Of course I have always assumed it must be me.  But now at last I have succeeded in finding what I needed through searching and seeking… through desiring it more than life itself.. now I understand, I am at peace and know that I am sane … but the world?…. not so much…..
I do not have all the answers but I am tuned in finally.  I’m on the clear channel no more static . No more confusion just a lot of compassion, sadness and indignation at the evils and cruelties of life.   My success? I know who I am….. I am good with me and I feel loved and accepted even though not always by my fellow man but by a power greater than that.
When I say that I have achieved enlightenment I mean the light has been turned on in my previous darkness… I do not know more than others the why’s and how’s but I am always asking  learning and growing. I find that the more I know the less I know that is wisdom and maturity in itself. In youth we know it all. I am open to change, growth and to accepting different reality but I need to be convinced of it’s truth. I feel successful, free and happy with my state of being…. no worries for my personal well being.
By the way I am a self proclaimed philosopher of sorts and these are the kind of questions I love the most…on these matters I constantly contemplate…….

WHO DO YOU ADMIRE MOST IN THE WORLD
Let’s see…  it’s not gonna be Mother Theresa nor the Dalai Lama.. I really like Deepak Chopra but the most recent human who gets the highest score from me is Ron Paul. He is an American, Libertarian, Physician, family man, congressman, politician who has run several times for president of the United States. He has been shunned by the media and rejected by the electorate as not a feasible candidate. He has the most vocal dedicated following of any candidate. He is a man of principals, sound values and common sense. His ways are “matter of fact” and he “tells it like it is”. In my judgement he makes more sense than any other on the present scene. He always has great responses to questions. His philosophy is live and let live. He is neither a religious zealot [though I believe he is a committed  member of  a mainstream protestant denomination] and he is not a flaming liberal. He is neither strong left nor right just a well balanced centered man with great love for his fellow man.  In my view he should run as an independent. To me he represents most the humble ways that Jesus Christ projected… the way of love for God and of your neighbor as yourself. [ I separate Jesus from all religion and just ascribe LOVE to Him].

Ron Paul is just a very well balanced individual who is rejected by a world which seems to be gone insane.

WHAT GIVES YOU ENERGY
A few things give me energy. One is simply being around people. I seem to become alive and energetic around folks. It is good but I also love solitude and keeping energy in check. The main energy producing thing for me though is performance. I was born with a great gift… a creative free gift, not something I learned nor earned. I am a natural singer and now recently since the extreme self-consciousness of my youth has been banished from my person, I discovered my talent for acting and comedy. When I make people laugh that is the most empowering thing even better than emoting and touching them with song.

I also am blessed to live by the ocean there is something…a life giving a force in water. It is mystic and it produces energy for the spirit. I just need to be, say in my Veranda Beauty Salon encased in windows. There standing behind my seated client, I am invigorated by the sight and feel of nature and ocean surrounding me.  It is instant exhilaration.  I love festivity and music in an outdoor setting. I am actually cooperative with most everything in life and love it all. I am flexible and can truly deeply enjoy every wonderful thing that life offers. I have not traveled extensively but would fall into that very naturally as well. Am simply contented with my present lot but would also welcome change with security.

DO YOU HAVE A DREAM THAT YOU HOPE ONE DAY WILL BE FULFILLED
My dream that till now has not been fulfilled would be to find true love. To be two instead of one walking the final path of this journey with me.  Someone to completely meld with me body mind and spirit. I do still believe in that.  I am not pursuing it as I believe it will come or it won’t. I am feeling pretty satiated and grateful for my life and am not lonely, not empty, am full but just have so much love and affection to share. My dream is that with that person we would simply cover the world with our love….. just fly off to the adventure. Reality though demonstrates to me that traveling is hard work and can be stress producing In my bed and breakfast I meet the world travelers and the ungodly hours they arrive an leave at, toting heavy luggage and the likes, makes me feel anything but envious to the contrary I am always grateful to remain safe and sound in the cozy comfort of my own home. Again we  get what we ask for. I suppose travel although I love the idea and the opportunity to meet and discover the world, is probably not subconsciously my first choice or I would have produced it for myself. So my dream remains to meet my other half …..where, oh where is that man…..

IN WHAT ARE YOU A TALENT BY NATURE
I have just touched on that. I am… well, hospitable, a people person, naturally friendly and enthusiastic and very real authentic. I am creative, I was born with a beautiful ability to sing I do not play or read music. Have been a semi- professional singer in bands etc. Now I perform and entertain, but on a small scale as part of the hospitality I extend to visitors in our city off cruise ships and in my home B&B.

WHO DO YOU RESPECT MOST IN THE WORLD
I respect people in general I respect truth tellers. They are rare. My son would come the closest. I am so proud of him. He is a very kind and compassionate human, a loving father. He is a deep thinker and is trying to unravel the ills of the world. We have many long exchanges by email. I respect his views but do not always agree with them however he stretches me and claims likewise. He is a work in progress and it is a joy to behold.

WHAT DO YOU NEED TO GROW AS A PERSON
I am so glad to have the information available through modern technology. I am grateful to have been born in this age as opposed to any other. I am a truth seeker, a person who thrives on freedom….. the freedom to be myself at all times and to say what I think…I need peace, I need love. Without inner joy I am dead. I cannot live without joy. I cannot abide excess sadness or depression. Of course I need money and resources as we all do but they come as the need presents itself. If I am in tune with my spirit and my connection, everything I need materializes and I am continuously growing, learning, climbing, shedding old falsehoods for new ones. Perhaps they are not new but my understanding is new and every time I shed an old falsehood I grow as a person.

WHAT DOESN”T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER, DID YOU EXPERIENCE THIS?
…. YES emphatically YES. Being a cooperative, non- rebellious human who wanted to play by the rules I was frustrated all my life by the hypocrisy and double standard, the manipulation and lies. I just wanted to understand. Rules and control were everywhere but they were only for their own sake. I’m not talking about civil rules like driving laws etc. Nothing made sense. I was frustrated. I believed when they told me about God…. I received, was filled with faith and bowed to their authority of “do as I say “. I found that what they said and what they did were two different things. All this continued I could not find confirmation of what I was experiencing anywhere. No one was on the same page as me to discuss these subjects with.  I ended up with a postpartum psychosis after the birth of my son and came close to death as it was accompanied by a severe physical illness. I had a NDE… I died temporarily and witnessed beyond the veil. That is all I will say. I came back knowing the truth about life after death.

My search for truth continued as I experienced all the human suffering of life and the fruitless pursuit of happiness and worldly success. I came to a point where all broke and  I did in some way “die” to my own ego. I knew that was what I had been lacking and searching for. I had said to God “I will die for you if need be just do not let me be lost….. lead me to You….”  this was for me the “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”- aha moment and experience of a lifetime. It is all about letting life kill you, ending all the resistance and the striving against life and abandoning the need for material gain…. forgoing the search for love and approval from mankind. What doesn’t kill you, feels like you are dying as in fact you are dying, you are dying to self. Self must die the ego must be broken so that your spirit can be resurrected and you can experience true love, true acceptance of yourself just as you are, warts and all.. It is the meshing with God. It is what all humanity is now in need of and travailing for. It is being filled by unconditional love. That is real power and it does make you stronger. That of which I speak is the love of Christ Jesus plain and simple and the acceptance of what that means to all of us. I do not mean religion in any form.
So that experience was the catalyst that makes me so content and happy today in spite of what atrocities surround me. I am saddened to tears about what I see on the nightly news. I start always one step behind and get catapulted ahead….who is last will be first. Seems that life after beating me up chewing me up and spitting me out then turns around and glorifies me or raises me one step higher than before. The shaking and sufferings in the world worsen but I am filled anew and suffer no fear.

DID YOU ONCE TAKE A LEAP BY TAKING A SMALL STEP BACKWARDS ?
I am trying to think…  cannot come up with a perfect example only that life for me has been always steps back I almost always feel like I am taking two steps forward and three steps back. Also I usually do not fight for anything just sort of let life happen. The harder I try the less I get what I want. But in the end I find that what I have, I didn’t get for myself, yet it is perfect and works for me allowing me to utilize all my gifts in ways beyond what I would have expected.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHANGE IN THE WORLD
I want wars and killing to stop. We have been killers since the beginning… we have always solved our differences with aggression. I want control and authority to come to an end. I want that to happen by the ending of religious systems and big corporate systems. The educational system and the media are all puppets and propaganda. I want love to be in every heart.  The hatred of the Third World Countries toward the developed countries should end, no amount of money or aid will remove the resentment it’s all been tried. The problem is all jealousy and envy of our freedom, freedom as I said earlier to do right or wrong but to suffer the natural consequences of our choices yet never the less man needs to be free.They are under control of religious systems who fill their heads with  hate while they advocate austerity and suffering of their own people.  I want to see money lose it’s control. Money and greed control the world.  Perhaps redistribution of resources and living space but I do not want to see a pope or a one world leader take hold. That would be the final return of the Roman Empire as in Hitler or Mussolini or all the power hungry tyrants of the past.  I believe that hearts of man have to change and that it begins with a handful of men. People will change their hearts and that in turn will change the world. It is in effect the revealing of the son’s of God. WE are all sons of God but it has to be revealed to us. When we become enlightened to this, then the world begins to change.

WHAT IS MOST PRECIOUS TO YOU?
Simply the answer is all encompassing unconditional agape filial LOVE [including erotic man woman married pure love] Not to say that I am judging other forms of love .. LOVE in it’s perfect purest form casts away all fear and is purely unselfish and just.

IS THERE SOMETHING THAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO DO BUT NEVER DARED TO
Well this silly thing comes to me I cannot ride a bike I would love to do that.

WHAT DRIVES YOU,  WHAT MAKES YOU TICK
My long answers have pretty much covered what drives me and makes me tick.
The idea of being completely fulfilled in my human and spiritual potential.To be perfectly who I was born to be. To understand and to see people change. To see the end of wars and hate. I cannot get enough of observing world events. I cannot get over how man is so blind and asleep. I am driven by the act of waiting to see mankind wake up to “get” what happiness and true wealth really is, to grasp  that “it is finished”, it is all done we have it all on our planet. We have more than enough space and food for all. We have so much potential.  It is all here and the sooner we all wake up the sooner the planet will be healed. The planet is travailing, like in labor, waiting for mankind to come of age, be reborn, to wake up and see their Maker. He is potentially inside each of us, just waiting to be invited in and to come and live with us and to change the world for the best. It is a beautiful and perfect world made for man and we can thrive and have abundance and happiness for all. There is so much more that we can invent and develop and an entire universe to explore.

WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES
And about my values:  If I married I would happily give myself fully to my mate and love and support him completely. Again my values are to live and let live there is nothing wrong in and of itself but man perverts every beautiful thing and every beautiful perfect gift . We make it wrong. Everything is good in moderation. I believe in the ten commandments,  I even try to rest on the Sabbath the Saturday. I do not believe in them as legal but a natural offshoots of the one and only law the law of LOVE.

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